I was dreaming during the time of night when I sleep the deepest, about 4:00 a.m. I’d been up late, and hours earlier, my mind wasn’t resting easily, with the internal pressure and anticipation that at 10:00 a.m. I was scheduled to facilitate an hour workshop for some of the most innovative, excellent public education teachers from six Alaska school districts. They were gathering for ECET2 Southcentral Alaska conference for two days in Kenai, Alaska. I’d titled my session, “Be generous! Share your story,” and was presenting through my work in communications and public relations. In my preparation—feeling a little intimidated and holding an intention to craft something meaningful—I navigated the website, and discovered belatedly “Cultivating a Calling” was the conference theme. I breathed deeper—I know this work and process, and decades of prior work put me in the ballpark of 10,000 hours of excellence. I felt the need to shift the thoughts and plan I’d had of what to do with the hour. I shifted gears, and designed two different workshops, deciding I’d navigate it depending who showed up, and what I intuited would be the best meet what they brought to the hour. Plus, I thought to self, there are other fantastic choices that same hour, so maybe no one would choose the session I was designing. Maybe I’d be off the hook. I’d finally fell asleep about 1:30 a.m.
Back to my dream. I think I will title it Runaway Bus. My sister and I, the only passengers, were seated in a coach type bus, for a private touring company or party. The driver stopped for fuel, and I could smell the gasoline pumping. He stepped to the open door, and said, I’ll be right back. My sister and I nodded and kept talking. I was delighted to hear her voice, and be with her. Suddenly, the bus was moving, and there was no one in the driver’s seat. It was as if the emergency brake let go, and we began gaining motion. The driver had walked off. Acting quickly, I jumped into the driver’s seat, attempting to steer and find the brake petal, but it wasn’t there. It grew darker outside, and we were rolling to merge onto Pacific Coast Highway. The best I could do was steer, quickly analyze the rather complicated navigation area, and call for help. I swerved to miss a car, heard honking. Disorientated, none of the four petals did anything to stop the momentum. I called for help again and cursed. Started pushing buttons. We were now on a road, and the bus was driving itself. The best I could do was steer to keep us away from cars and obstacles. I decided to head uphill, hoping the grade would counter our forward movement and we’d stop. A voice came over the speaker in the bus demanding us to identify ourselves and stop. That was ironic. the bus company thought we’d highjacked the rig. I turned the radio off.
Now it was dark, the bus was traveling full speed, and I was doing my best to pilot the behemoth rig on wheels. (As I write, I’m suddenly reminded of Steven Spielberg’s full-length film directing debut movie, “Duel,” about a motorist stalked by a tanker truck. Except this was a coach bus, and I was in the driver seat with no control.) We came uphill on a curvy two-lane road, and steered to the left, holding the lane. I realized at that moment I wasn’t sure what had happened to my sister, and stretching ahead was a canyon, not many lights, and without brakes, as the descent happened, I would completely lose control as speed increased. In that moment, heart pounding in the dream, an inner voice said calmly, “You’re dreaming. Wake up. You can end this. Wake up.”
iPhone photo: There was more in the awakeness of this day that shook me awake: driving to the conference inching by flashing red lights, and seeing the head and upper body of a dead moose pinned beneath a car on the side of the road undid me, after also hearing about a deadly shooting in Philadelphia. I did something completely different in my session than I’d initially envisioned, and the circle with teachers activated hope and inspiration within me. Tonight, this 2015 sunrise from Kalaupapa on Molokai in the Hawaiian Island chain, at the highest sea cliffs in the world speaks to me. (I’ll go dream about why.) Wake up. #DisruptTheGap.