Day 20 of 21 – Disappointment #DisruptTheGap
(a few days late)
The did-do list was mostly checked, and not enough hours in the day existed to complete everything. So I didn’t sleep.
Lists: to-do, did-do
It took all night to wrap up packing, cleaning, office, must-do’s … I’d passed the frustration level directed to myself about 1:30 a.m., judgment I’d not planned time over 21 days better, realizing I’d go to sleep in about an hour and likely be done close enough by then. In 24 hours I’d be sleeping in the Honolulu airport hotel. Disappointed I’d had 21 days to be prepared, I hadn’t been successful to be completely packed and getting a good night sleep before my writing adventure.
Two hours later, still plugging away, I decided I’d simply stay up all night. Insight arrived when I drove out of the yard at 7:45 a.m. on my way to the office for a half-day, while the #DisruptTheGap to-do list weighed heavy. I #DidDo many things and tasks, even if many still blinked on the #ToDo list.
The inside chores I’d envisioned done, weren’t. Yet… looking at my place in the 17 degree dawn, pulling away, pride flooded into recognition. The outer yard was winterized, better than in nine years. I’d taken advantage of a beautiful autumn and unexpected warmer-than-usual weather during the 21 days, and stained decks, painted aging door and window trim, worked with my contractor to repair unexpected log rot. So while the entire list wasn’t where I’d envisioned, the reality of unexpected completions satisfied.
I decided then and there the best action would be to be kind to myself, and that in itself might disrupt my inner gap, even if it didn’t check tasks and goals off in my bullet journal list, and envisioning where I desire to be. The coming darkness and winter months would provide hours indoors to complete home projects, continue the Kon Mari clearing, and offer time to write, and explore creative ideas, and complete my professional certification training classes with spaciousness.
Reflect
Are you tough on yourself when you don’t meet you expectations?
How do you adjust?
Do you celebrate your gains and wins?
How can you disrupt the inner judgmental voice directed toward self that many of us experience?
#BeKind